


Turning a Cat Into My Girlfriend Isn't Quite What I'd Imagined

by SumDumMuffin



Series: Absolute Hoodwitch Armageddon [10]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Age Difference, F/F, Glasses, Turning an animal into a human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24237079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SumDumMuffin/pseuds/SumDumMuffin
Summary: Ruby turns a stray cat into a human and hijinx ensue.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Weiss Schnee, Glynda Goodwitch/Ruby Rose
Series: Absolute Hoodwitch Armageddon [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616476
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	Turning a Cat Into My Girlfriend Isn't Quite What I'd Imagined

**Author's Note:**

> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic correct knowledge of, cats, stocks, anime tropes, the prescription eye wear industry, 
> 
> Inspired by the series of manga and anime about turning your pet cat into your girlfriend, and that one competition where a cat beat professional investors at a stock return competition. 
> 
> Ive been steadily growing more critical of power dynamics in relationships. Which is actually rather bad for writing output if your OTP is both an age-gap and a teacher/student relationship which also incorporates the canon suggestion of BDSM because Glynda literally whips Ruby with a riding crop in the first episode. I guess I'm ending up, leaning into it, though, with a few of these one-shots.

“Hey, Ruby!” Weiss waved from her seat in a booth at the corner of a coffee shop, as Ruby approached with her own drink. 

“Hey Weiss. You're,” Ruby idly waved her free hand, “Uncharacteristically exuberant today, And who’s this?” Ruby suggested to a bored-looking girl with a flat expression and, a pair of cat ears? Maybe some sort of cosplayer? 

“Heeheehee,” Weiss chuckled, mischievously, “You don’t remember Blake?" 

"Your pet cat?" 

"Yeah!" Weiss hugged the girl, who didn't react. "I traded my dumb little brother to a voodoo gypsy witch to turn my pet kitty into my girlfriend!” 

“A,” Ruby tilted her head to the side, “‘Voodoo gypsy’ witch?” 

Weiss waved the air. “She was half Romani, half Haitian. But she gave me a potion to turn a cat into a human girl!" 

“I’m hungry,” intoned what was apparently, Blake, the former cat. “Where is food?” 

Blake started to stand up but Weiss hugged her from the side to pull her back into the chair. Blake hissed, but didn't otherwise do anything to stop Weiss. 

Weiss then pulled a fish flavored tapioca snack bar out of her pocket and tore open the end. 

Blake’s cat ears twitched at the sound of the wrapper being undone, and she turned her head to the food bar. She grabbed at it, but Weiss held it in the air, in her hand opposite to Blake. 

Blake climbed on top of Weiss to try to reach for the snack. Weiss giggled and managed to successfully play keep-away for 3 seconds before Blake climbed over her to grab the food. 

Blake stuffed the snack bar into her mouth and growled. 

Ruby blinked. 

Weiss turned to her oldest human friend. “And since you’re so sad all the time, I thought I’d give you the extra! You can then turn any cat into your new best friend." She grinned mischievously. “Or maybe more~” 

"But I don't have a cat," Ruby said, "And Yang has Zwei for the next month. And Zwei’s a boy anyway.” 

Weiss blew air out of the corner of her mouth. "Dog-people.” She turned to Blake. 

"Dogs are dumb," Blake said. 

Ruby felt the need to protest, and that ate up a few minutes. 

  
  
  
  
  


Ruby returned to her apartment, still messy with a few weeks of not-being-arsed-to-clean-her-living-space. She looked at the glass bottle that Weiss had given her. 

By all accounts, it did looked exactly what Ruby thought a magical potion would look. But if it were a fake, that would also make sense. 

But that wouldn’t explain Weiss’s new girlfriend… 

And it turned out, Ruby hadn’t actually closed her apartment door all the way. One of the neighborhood stray cats peaked its head in. 

"Eh, screw it," Ruby said. “Maybe this is fate.” 

Ruby knelt down and let her hand go limp, near the ground. She was more familiar with dogs, but she had osmosed that cats, like, needed to go to you, because they were independent creatures that were only incidentally domesticated by following the rodents that had snuck into human grain silos at the advent of the age of agriculture, seven zillion years ago. 

The cat glanced up at Ruby, and then her hand. It tilted its head to the side. 

“I think I’ve seen you around the apartment complex,” Ruby said. The cat pressed her back against Ruby’s hand while walking past her. “Maybe you recognize me also?” 

The cat inspected Ruby’s hand, and then Ruby’s feet. 

"Or maybe I just have some of Weiss's fish snack on me," Ruby inspected her hoodie and her skirt for crumbs. Over the years her hoodieit had been washed enough that it was basically a cloak.

Ruby stood up and searched her pantry for some kind of food she thought a cat might like. After cleaning Zwei’s food bowl, she set a bowl of canned tuna on the ground and poured Weiss’s potion over it. The stray immediately dug in. 

And in a puff of magical plot devices, an adult woman appeared- somewhat middle-aged looking, human except for a pair of tan cat-ears over long blond hair. And a bit of tuna on her face. 

And she was completely naked-

"Oh, my gosh," Ruby covered her eyes with her hands, but she couldn’t resist peaking through her fingers-

The woman blinked a few times and started examining her body. 

"Hello," said the woman. “I, appear, to be able to speak now.” 

“Ah-”

“Also I have hands,” she cupped her breasts-

“Ah!" Ruby grabbed the woman by the hand, without looking *too* much, and started pulling her towards her room, where her closet was. “Let’s get you some clothes-”

"Clothes?" said the woman, “I’ve never worn them before-” 

“W-well, that’s part of being human,” Ruby said.

So dressing a foxy (ironically), cat-eared adult woman was, taking on her, lets say heart. The lewdest part was having to slide a pair of her own panties up the slender legs of a tall woman.

Luckily, the cat-newly-turned-human seemed remarkably amenable to being dressed. 

Ruby felt a twinge of womanly inadequacy when her bras wouldn’t even come close to fitting around the new human’s chest. 

“This is really tight,” the cat-woman said, “Do humans really prefer to be constricted by their clothing. 

“Um, not, really,” It’d be too complicated to, like, explain the corsets in Ruby’s wardrobe right now, “You’re just, ah, 

Ruby coughed. “Lemme, see if my sister left one of her bras here…” 

  
  
  
  


“Was it really necessary to dress me before introductions?” said the new human. Ruby had given her one of her oversized t-shirts she used for pajamas, and it turned out to be the right size for her. The skirt was a little short but thank goodness for stretchy waistbands. 

“Yes,” Ruby said. She nodded. “It's just one of those weird human things. So, I’m Ruby.” 

“My name is Glynda.” The new human inspected her shirt. “So can you explain the weird human clothes thing or were you implying that society simply has forced you into them without you ever questioning them?” 

“I- ah,” Ruby rubbed the back of her head. “So its like, for humans, being naked around each other means you’re, close. Like,” Ruby pnotificated ineffectually, “affectionate with each other…” 

Glynda’s ears lowered, and she pouted, just a bit. “So you turn me into a human but you don’t want to be close with me?” 

Ruby’s face felt hot. “N-not that, I wouldn't- necessarily, want, to be close its just- “ she gestured with her hands, “It, it has to happen, at its own pace- if! If it happens at all.” 

Glynda folded her arms. “Well you certainly didn’t seem to think this through, did you?" 

“I- yeah. I guess I just found out magic is real,” Ruby said, “And I’ve actually been more of a Dog person my whole life…” 

Glynda actually looked offended at that.

“So, um,” Ruby said, to change the subject, “I guess, I haven’t thought this through too much. What do, uh, you want to do, now that you’re human?” 

“Well I have occasionally wondered what I would do if I were a human.”

“Oh cool! Yeah, we can try to do whatever that is-” 

“I want to trade Stocks.” Glynda nodded. 

Ruby blinked. She opened her mouth and closed her mouth. “Trade… like, on the Stock Market?” 

“Yes.” Glynda closed her eyes and nodded. 

“You, know what the Stock Market is?” Ruby smushed her mouth together to stop from laughing, because that would be rude. 

“The newspapers have listed stock pricings since forever,” Glynda said. 

Ruby tilted her head to the side, before she remembered that ‘newspapers’ were what you called websites that were printed out on paper and sold at the supermarket. “Huh. I, guess, that, isn’t significantly more outlandish than turning a cat into a human.” 

“So, uh,” Ruby continued, “how about, we go over to the discount clothing store and, get you your own wardrobe?” And definitely your own underwear, she didn’t say.

  
  
  
  
  


And there was a short montage of Ruby attempting to explain the different human fashions 

Glynda settled on a woman’s business suit. Only one person commented on Glynda’s cat ears. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Ruby awoke the next day, and when she realized she was sleeping on a futon in the living area she remembered what had happened the previous day, and that she had actually now had a new roommate-

“Hello,” Glynda said. She had a newspaper and was fully dressed, sharp in her business suit. Ruby straightened the strap of her sleeping top and flattened her hair. “Ah- Hello!” she coughed. “I- um, I hope you, slept well?” In my bed, she didn’t say. 

“It was very comfortable,” Glynda said. “I had been used to sleeping on the ground, but I also appear to have less hair now, so that is less comfortable to me.” Glynda picked up what appeared to be a dirty square of paper. “I procured todays newspapers.” 

Ruby blinked. “Um- do you mean, you, stole, a newspaper? Because I definitely, have done nothing to get one-” 

“Oh, no,” Glynda waved the air. “I understand that humans have a weird concept of ‘property’, so I simply asked our neighbors for one after she was done, and her counteroffer was to take the comics page out and gave me the rest.”

And then Glynda resumed reading the newspaper, which apparently involved pressing her face right against the page.

“Ah-” Ruby said, ignoring the weird feeling she had about Glynda somehow knowing her neighbors better than she did. “Is- I guess that would be, a normal distance for a cat? Do you find it different now that you’re human?” 

“Hmm?” Glynda said. “No, unless Im this close, i can’t actually make out the words.” She pressed her face against the newspaper again. 

Ruby scrunched her mouth to the side. “So then, maybe, you need glasses?

  
  
  
  


Near the thrift store there was a second-hand glasses shop, where you could just, pick out old glasses that had been donated (at least, that was the official story), and even if they weren’t exactly your prescription there was a good chance that you could find one that would improve your vision. 

“You know, glasses aren’t actually all that expensive to make.” Ruby said, conversationally, “But optometrists realized they could bill eye insurance companies a huge pile of money and that means that all glasses were standardized around those prices. 

“Yes, I believe I once read an article about- oh!” Glynda said. She tilted her head around a mirror, to see how she looked in her current pair. 

She had found a pair of purple cats-eye (how ironic) glasses, 

Ruby felt her cheeks flush a bit, at how distinguished Glynda looked.

Ruby coughed and turned her head. “Actually, how does, getting you your citizen paperwork happen? Is there a witch who will write you a birth certificate?” 

“I wouldn’t know,” Glynda said. “It has, somehow, escaped my knowledge-base, even after all my years of learning.” She looked around the room. “Wow, is this how normal people see? Everything is so clear!” 

  
  
  
  
  


The next day was a Monday, so Ruby actually woke up before her new, roommate? And/or, human being she had technically brought into the world, and possibly now had some legal responsibility for. At the very least, a moral obligation for. 

Ruby knocked on the door to her room- erm, well, now the impromptu guest room- and then entered. 

Glynda (who thankfully appeared to have worn pajamas to bed), awoke and rubbed her eyes and then realized she had gotten glasses the previous day. She pawed around to find them, and then placed them on her face, and then smiled, wildly. It was adorable. Ruby tried to hide her blush. 

“Alright, so, I gotta go to class, then to my part time job,” Ruby pointed in the general direction of the front door, “I- ah, well, I can, show you how to use the internet? I’m sure that won’t go catastrophically wrong.” 

“Or, I guess, I could just hook my laptop up to the TV and have you stream some shows,” Ruby thought aloud. 

“Nah, the first one sounds better,” Glynda said. She brought her hand to her chest. “I do know what the internet is, you know.” 

“Ok, sure,” Ruby shrugged. She walked over to her desktop and booted it up. 

“You see, it is a series of tubes-” 

“I'm, gonna stop you there, because I actually do need to get going,” Ruby said. She pulled up a search engine. “So, this is a keyboard, which you can type words into on different sites, and you click on blue words to find new sites, bla bla bla....”

Glynda nodded. “Yes, cats are familiar with the button box and the glowing rectangle that humans spend so long looking into.” She put her hand to her chest and closed her eyes and smiled. “I’ve even touched some of the buttons in my day-” 

“Well, now’s the opportunity for you to discover why the glowing rectangle is so interesting,” Ruby said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


And so a routine developed that week. Weiss had pressing questions about Ruby’s new, life state, that Ruby managed to dodge. (Though in retrospect, maybe she could have asked Weiss what she did for Blake’s citizenship paperwork.)

And the next weekend, once she had another day off, Ruby decided, maybe she’d invite Glynda to marathon one of her favorite tv shows, and get some use out of that old TV taking up space in her commons area that turned out to be so cheap because lots of people just watched tv on their computers nowadays. 

Ruby changed into her pajamas and made some hot cocoa, and requested that Glynda, change into her own pair of pajamas. 

Ruby nestled into one side of the couch with a pillow and a blanket. 

And Glynda joined Ruby on the couch, and cralwed up to her- 

\- until their faces were just shy of touching-

“Wha-" Ruby sputtered, "Why are you so close?"

“This is how close I need to be to see you without glasses,” Glynda said. 

But why aren’t you wearing your glasses? You’d need them to see,” Ruby gestured towards the TV, where the loading screen for the streaming service of choice was waiting for her input. 

Glynda smiled. “You got me. I just wanted to see you up close." 

Ruby felt her cheeks heat up. “Um..” 

Glynda gave Ruby some space. “You’ve been so distant. You’re even sleeping on the couch.” 

“I-it -it’s different, for humans,” Ruby said, “Its, weird to share a bed, usually, with another human.” 

“Oh? You know, I am aware what ‘Netflix and chill’ means, to you humans,” Glynda smirked. 

Ruby’s face flushed. “I- no! I literally just meant, we could like, bond over my favorite series, together.” she scrunched her mouth to the side. “And where did you learn about that term anyway? ‘Newspapers’?” 

“Nah, the internet,” Glynda stated. 

Ruby’s expression flattened. 

Glynda suddenly shifted back and pouted. “I see how it is. Humans only like kittens, and once we’re grown you just let us out on the street.” 

“What? No!” Somehow, seeing Glynda’s confidence falter for the first time made Ruby’s sternum ache, “I- I actually find older women more attractive, because they’re usually more accomplished and confident-” 

Ruby coughed. She wasn’t about to amateur-psychologist her sexual preferences to someone who also probably would need an overview of general human sexuality-

“The reason I’ve been distant is that,” Ruby took a breath, “Like, suddenly having a gorgeous woman share my one bedroom apartment with me is, like, a little, unreal? And, I don’t want, to make you uncomfortable since you’re also dealing with a bunch of other big changes in your life?”

“And- and I don’t want to pressure you into a romantic relationship since I’m housing you and showing you human things,” Ruby looked at the wall, “Like, can you really be honest with someone who you're dependent on for food and housing?"

Glynda put her glasses back on and shifted closer to where Ruby was nestled on the couch. "Well, if it makes you feel better, I have enough money to get my own apartment, now.” 

Ruby blinked. "What? How?"

“Stocks.” Glynda nodded, confidently. 

Ruby was dubious. 

Glynda closed her eyes and touched her collarbone, "You were logged into your email, so I managed to meet your friend Weiss and her own human-cat Blake, and she gave me some seed money.” 

Ruby scrunched her mouth to the side. 

“She also asked if we wanted to double date sometime.” 

“Ah- well, sure,” Ruby said, “But, you and I, aren’t, dating....” 

Glynda nuzzled Ruby’s shoulder. “Do you want to be?” 

Ruby’s breath caught. 

Glynda smiled She looked Ruby right in the eyes, and Ruby momentarily lost herself in those viridian wells. 

Glynda leaned in, towards Ruby’s face- 

And she nuzzled Ruby’s cheek. Because, cat. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“So then, if we’re dating,” Ruby bit her lower lip, “Can we make out?” 


End file.
